When Life gives you lemons, make lemonade!
But what if those lemons are moldy and shriveled up? That is my life lately.
Things are happening in my life testing my every bit of strength. Although I’m not about to share these deeply personal situations, I will share with you something that affects me as well as millions of others a year.
I battle with depression.
I was diagnosed with what they called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) around grade 7. My mom took me to the doctor thinking that I was anemic, after spending most of my day in bed if I wasn’t in school. Turns out, I had this form of depression that is supposed to only occur during the winter months because my body needed a bit more Vitamin D than most.
Bullying is definitely what started the downward spiral from SAD to depression. Kids can be horrible. I spent many nights hiding out in my bedroom thinking of ways to stop the pain I felt inside 24/7. I’ll admit that even at that young age there may have been a few attempts, but I would end up chickening out when I thought about how loving my parents are. I suffered with this in silence for years and dealt with it by lashing out in horrible scenes of temper because inside I was screaming for help.
In later years, I discovered running. That natural high after a great run made the voices that I was worthless in my head go away and I could still keep it to myself and suffer with this horrible condition alone.
Last year all those coping methods failed me. I had gone from bad relationships to worse and was made to feel as though I was a let down to everyone around me. I needed real help. With the support of my best friend saving me from my lowest point and forcing me to talk to my parents about what was going on in my head, I started seeing a therapist, and began to heal. But with anything, the low moments still came. Something that you have battled with your entire life cant be expected to disappear in just a few months.
The problem I’m dealing with now is that pregnancy and depression are not friends. The lows are going to feel 10x lower because of the hormones and stress you are under. Every muscle fiber in my body has to fight the urge to believe those voices that have shown up again in my head. This week, they are there full force. I know they aren’t true and I know this baby will be worth all this pain but it will forever be a constant issue. I am so thankful for my amazing parents, sisters and friends that try their best to cheer me up.
To those of you suffering and embarrassed to tell anyone how you feel? I know you and I know what your going through. Step up. If you don’t tell someone, it will never go away. You may end up doing something horrible that will affect everyone you know, even those you think don’t care. I am here for you.
For anonymous free support call 1-800-668-6868